more funny please!

Okay......so, after reading a VERY funny author last week, I decided that I need to be more funny!  I want my blogs to make you laugh (well, they can make you cry too.  I always like that!!)  But seriously.......I'm waaaay too serious sometimes!!

So.......as you can see....ever since I decided to make my blog more funny, you've received...ummm.... ZERO posts.  Oh boy....it's worse than I thought.

My kids are funny.  My husband is VERY funny.  My sister-in-law is funny.  My 86 year-old mom is funny!!

Maybe I'm the straight man (except when I'm on the volleyball court --- then I am quite hilarious!! --- but that's the wrong kind of funny!!!)   I get to be the one that everyone else can launch their jokes from.  Without guys like me, humour just disappears altogether.   So actually.....all you funny people out there should be thanking people like me; being the straight man is an important job, one that I take very seriously!  What?!?

Alright.  If I can't write clever humour, I can always resort to my face. My face can be very funny!

Please laugh!! I'm SERIOUS!!!!

Happy laughter to you!!

words and images © copyright Melody Armstrong 2013

more beauty...

I hunger for Beauty -

not to own 
or possess 

but to breathe in
to be enraptured
till the One
who is
Beauty
owns and 
possesses
 me.

Pismo Beach, California.  March 2013

word and images © copyright Melody Armstrong 2013

This is Love

My Jesus.

Stepping from

 eternal throne

He humbly chose

a woven crown 

of 

thorns and hatred

intertwined

made to pierce

and mock

by hands He had created.

THIS IS LOVE.

Should it surprise?

when hanging from

the splintered

bloody beams

by hands and feet

nailed firm

that all creation

trembled

splitting time

in two

with humble 

love-soaked cry

"Father, forgive them

for they know not what

they do."

THIS IS LOVE.

And though we nailed him there

blind in our hate

lost in ourselves

He chose then

this posture 

for us

of open arms 

stretched wide - embracing

and He still does

THIS IS LOVE.

As surely as He chose to die

He rose alive. ALIVE!

and though he

conquered death 

and always will

he still 

chooses

to make us free - 

free not to believe

and in our hearts

leave him

on the tree.

THIS IS LOVE.

words and images © copyright Melody Armstrong 2013

what do you see?

SLOW DOWN.  TAKE TIME TO REALLY LOOK AROUND YOU.  WHAT DO YOU SEE?

I SEE BEAUTY 

IN THE SCRAPS.

I SEE STIFF COLD HANDS 

STRAINED OPEN

RECEIVING

I SEE SOFT HEARTS 

POURED OPEN 

GIVING.

I SEE HOPE IN

EXPECTANT BLUE EYES

OTHERWISE LOST 

WITHOUT 

COMPASSION.

I SEE CAST OFF TREASURES

SPOTTED BY OPEN EYES

 BROUGHT BACK

INTO LIGHT

WELCOMED 

LOVED.

text and images © Melody Armstrong 2013

do you need permission?

It was something my friend said last night that got me thinking....

"Give yourself permission to not be good at everything."

I wrote it in my journal. 

I wrote it on my hand.  

The thought of it was so freeing and refreshing and ludicrous all at the same time. After all, do I really believe I have to be good at everything, or even most things? (and is it that obvious?.....yuck!)   Is that why I can be so hard on myself.......cuz really, AS IF!! 

I just wanted to hug her and do a little dance right there in her kitchen.  It was such a simple but powerful observation.  How come I hadn't thought of it before?  She has a beautiful way of calling things like they are, just plain and simple.  It's what caring friends do.  She knows I'm not good at everything (who's kidding who - she doesn't even pretend about it) and, most importantly, she doesn't expect me to be.  

I feel so much lighter after digesting her words.  They were like some kind of crazy instant diet.  I dropped weight in just one day.  

Magic.  

Friendship.

Permission.

 words and images copyright © Melody Armstrong 2013

known intimately and found beautiful

...thoughts from a walk I took this time last year.

It is a profound thing to be known - deeply known.  It can also be incredibly risky.  For to be known, we must be vulnerable.  We must risk being misunderstood or mistreated.  We must be willing to take a chance that our openness and honesty may not be reciprocated. 

Being known by God might feel just as risky to some of us.  And whether or not we are comfortable with the idea, we ARE intimately known by Him. 

David marvelled at God's intimate knowledge of him in Psalms 129:13-16 

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,  your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 

When Jeremiah was a young boy, God told him: 

“Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you: a prophet to the nations -- that’s what I had in mind for you.”  [Jeremiah 1:5 The Message Bible]

God says the same to us.  He sees us, regards us, and treasures us. He knows our name -- not just the name we answer to -- but our truest identity. If only we could know ourselves as he does.  What a gift it would be to see ourselves through his gracious eyes and realize the beauty of his design in us. 

Yesterday, a warm sun began thawing the heavy cloak of snow that has covered everything for weeks. I grabbed my camera and headed out for a walk.  I am always amazed at  the vast beauty of a winter landscape, but today I had eyes for something else.  I was watching the path at my feet instead, searching for hidden beauty.  And guess what?  I found it everywhere I really looked.  Many times it meant getting down in the snow, getting low - the humble places where beauty is often missed-  focusing my lens on intricate details that only reveal themselves beneath an intentional gaze.  

I continued on to the edge of a nearby river and found an aged piece of gnarled wood laying half frozen under the ice.  It wasn't very attractive the way driftwood often is until I took a closer look.

I laid right down in the wind-crusted snow shooting images of that driftwood from every possible angle.  By the time I stood, my jeans were soaked and I was beaming. I had found the beauty I was searching for.

I had found an original masterpiece.  The patterns and designs in that lone piece of wood were mesmerizing.  I whispered my “thank you,” overwhelmed by God’s lavish creativity, how he can afford to hide such beauty in places that most of us never see.

And then I thought about how he stops and notices me. And you. He sees the intricate designs that he took pleasure in creating.  He notices and smiles at our unique beauty.  God sees those parts of us that look gnarled and weathered and he doesn't cringe or turn his face.  Instead, he seeks out those places in us, knowing he has created - and is still creating - something beautiful. We may feel stuck on the edge of things, cast aside and half-buried, but he takes special notice.

I see that old piece of wood as a symbol of our lives, but with an important distinction.  We need not be dead.  In God, we have the opportunity to be fully alive, “abiding in the vine,” grafted into the main branch that is Christ, the life-giver. In Him, we are never just dead wood, cast aside.  Although there are places in all of our lives that seem pointless, purposeless, and maybe even dead, God knows better. We may feel like there are parts of us where beauty seems completely absent, but God looks at us differently. The maker of all things beautiful sees our truest selves, and through his creative artistry finds a way to take even the worn out, broken places of our lives and make them beautiful once again.  

Unless otherwise cited, words and images copyright © melody armstrong 2013

riding upstream

Living life against the current

answering His sacred call

pursuing things eternal

walking lightly on this earth

laying down my life, not fighting for it

forgiving because I am forgiven

choosing to see the best in others

 trusting when the way is hard and uncertain

pouring from my emptiness in order to be filled

letting my weakness be my strength

walking in Christ's footsteps-

even when they lead to a cross...

and though I lose my footing

falling hard and often

and find myself in the river

currents wild, rushing against me

cold soaked right through

I shout out what I know:

 God's faithfulness

-the grace gifts that 

flow harder and deeper still.

And right there

in that moment with my soul laid bare

I find courage and strength

in His tender, ever-present voice

in the compassionate grasp of His hands

where, alongside the scars,

my name is engraved. 

words and images copyright © melody armstrong 2013

winter white forgiveness

What if, right in the winter of our souls, we saw it......the beauty and purity of the dazzling forgiveness that Christ offers to wash us in?  

 And what if, right in the middle of that icy frozen state of our own unforgiveness, we experienced a melt?

...and the frozen hurts, preserved over the long soul-winter,  started falling away...one drop at a time, till just our tender hearts were left?

What if, in our own process of being forgiven and forgiving others, we found freedom to flow, a fresh water stream, clear right down to the bottom of us? 

AND WHAT IF...in the words of the lovely hippy urban girl:

"...she remembers that beauty rises up from the ice shards of life"?

May your winter soul, and mine, be warmed by the pure beauty of forgiveness - both given and received.

With love,

Melody

photos and text copyright©Melody Armstrong 2013

ways of seeing

I sit with my daughter at her orthodontic appointment.  There is nothing inherently special about this day. I'm just glad that we're together, even if it's for something as mundane as dental appliances.

From this vantage point, sitting and leaning against the window, I see the winter wind blowing cold, taunting and bending bare branches low.  Inside, I see kids and wires and wide open mouths...assistants with masks and pliers and brackets....and other waiting moms putting in time texting or flipping through out-dated magazines until whisking their metal-mouthed child off to the next committment.

And then I spot the art...a spark of beauty in the ordinary.  I pull out my camera and take some shots. I'm suddenly having fun. While other moms read articles on fitness and diet, I take pictures of a coffee cup and smile to myself, delighted at the irony of it all.  It's a boring old coffee cup with an orthodontic logo on the side, yet it reflects beauty.  It gives me a new way of seeing the world outside that isn't nearly as dreary or cold.  

I can't help but think that this ordinary life is laced with beauty and mystery that is so easy to miss.  I love the words crafted by Sue Monk Kidd in her novel The Secret Life of Bees:  

“I realized it for the first time in my life: there is nothing but mystery in the world, how it hides behind the fabric of our poor, browbeat days, shining brightly, and we don't even know it."

And I smile because it also gives me hope -- hope that even in the mundane circumstances of my life, when I'm used up and empty, and certainly in need of cleansing, that I can reflect beauty too.  I admit I don't always do this well.  There are times, two particular instances from this weekend alone, that I can reflect the downright ugly---- those tender, insecure places in me that can ooze ugly.  The hope comes in knowing that this is where God's tender mercy, healing, and forgiveness comes in.  He takes those places in me and transforms them with his lovingkindness, from ashes to beauty.   Eugene Peterson, in  Run with the Horses, insists that "no true spiritual life can be distilled from or abstracted out of this world of chemicals and molecules, paying your bills and taking out the garbage."  I'm being transformed and renewed right in the middle of my messy life.

If I am to shine, to reflect beauty in any way at all, I want it to be NOW --right here in this unremarkable moment.  What a shame it would be to keep waiting for some time way off in the future when I might finally have my stuff together and be rid of insecurity once and for all.  If I wait that long, I will never shine at all.  

Words and images (unless otherwise cited) Copyright © 2013 Melody Armstrong 

the guilt thing...

 I struggle with which way to go.  Always.  So many choices...and saying yes to one good thing almost always means saying no to another. Guilt follows.

I was so excited to know that a friend of mine was moving into my neighbourhood.  I drive past her house at least twice a day, yet the last time I saw her was just before Christmas.  Daily, I think how I really must call her, or at least stop by with a little note and tulips to let her know I care.  Couldn't I at least arrange a short walk or a quick cup of tea?  But no, I rush right past.  I have many neighbours I would love to spend time with.  I remind myself what a poor friend I am --echoed voices from the past, of friends who have been hurt because I didn't give enough.  I wasn't there enough.  I didn't call enough. 

My head spins.

I try to step back a bit and look at it again.

But there are people to love and pray for, projects to be involved with, volunteer positions to fill, sports to get to, classes to take, meetings to attend, calendars to arrange, cheques to write, books to read, neighbors to have for dinner, photo albums to create, kids to snuggle and read with, piles to sort, walls to paint, grout to re-apply, corners to clean, out-grown clothes/shoes/bikes/skates/skies to be replaced, friends to keep in touch with, coaches to please, bottles to return, a husband to make love with, appointments to schedule and show up on-time for.....and as the list of good things grows, THE WEIGHT OF IT ALL GETS HEAVIER AND HEAVIER.  

JOY SEEPS OUT.  GUILT SEEPS IN. 

 I WITHER.

When I'm forgetting to "think on whatever things are true," I look around me and see competence everywhere.  Women who appear capable of doing it all and then some.  I see fit bodies, healthy meals on the table, kids in every sport, and attendance at every school council meeting.  So much value placed on so many things.  Where does everyone find the energy to do it all?  My 100% doesn't seem to be enough when it's divided so many ways.  

Is there anyone out there who feels as tired as I do?  Is there anyone else asking "what is all this for?"  (As soon as these words hit the page, guilty voice kicks in with:  "What a whiner!  You don't even have a job!! Why did you even go to university?  What do you do ALL day?  Don't you know how privileged you are?") 

Yes.  But still, I am tired. 

 I long for a simpler life.  I long for quiet -time to think and pray and create and just BE...and let my family just be.  I'm not keeping up.

I love watching my kids dance, ski, mountain bike, play hockey, volleyball, basketball, soccer, piano....and I'm proud of them. I want them to achieve, be active and enjoy opportunities that their friends enjoy.  I know these are "the best days of our life."  But I'm exhausted from the running.  And warts!!  Have I mentioned those nasty things yet?  I've been making appointments since spring to try and get rid of a wart on one child's toe.  I don't have time for warts!  Don't even get me started on orthodontics for three children!!!

A few days have passed since I wrote the words above.  I've had a chance to rest, to enjoy a little fresh air while cross country skiing with my son's grade 8 class, and clear my head a little. I've turned around and enjoyed a completely different view altogether.

this was the same evening sky as pictures above - but just 90 northwest - another perspective altogether.

The truth is, I was tempted to scrap this post altogether when I read it again.  It just sounds so self-centered and pathetic when I consider the huge brokenness and heartache in our world.  

And yet, it's where I am at right now.  I feel tugged and pulled by the dichotomy in my own soul.  I care so very much about the world out there, and never want to be complacent about the suffering.  I want to be active, to do what I can to heal the hurts and alleviate the injustice.  Yet too, I feel the magnetic pull to my family life....the world of which I am the hub and my kids are the various spokes that join up with my husband -the wheel ( what a wheel!  Haha, sorry Lance!) who holds us all together, supports us  and bears the weight of our lives together.  

If I am exhausted and grumpy, my family suffers.  If I haven't found a way to operate from a place of peace and calm, my family life can get spinning right out of control.  If I don't have clarity about what choices to make in order to ensure that we are all going in the right direction together, our family can come right apart at the center.

It becomes more obvious to me every day, especially now that my shoulders fit nicely beneath the arms of my eldest son as we hug and his heavy footsteps down the stairs always make me think it's his dad, that family life as we now know it will soon be changing drastically.  I don't want any more regrets than necessary....I don't want to look back and wish that we'd shared more meals, or had more hot tubs together, or that I'd laced my own skates more and joined the kids out on our backyard rink, or gave more back-rubs and had longer snuggles and prayers at bed time.  These simple things are the first things to go when we're too busy, too exhausted, too irritated.  But they are also the brush stokes, each a different color and shape, that create the most amazing portrait of family life.  What am I sacrificing when teetering on the edge?

So I revert to chocolate!!  :)  Really.  I found one left over from Valentines and I sit here (right before supper time) unwrapping an "irresistibly smooth" Lindor chocolate and popping it into my mouth.  (more guilt!!)  After all, aren't all the world's problems solved with chocolate?

Thanks for reading and please forgive the rant!!  xoxo

words and text copyright © Melody Armstrong 2013